Mental Abuse

We are in a watershed movement regarding sexual abuse.  As horrific as sexual abuse is, mental abuse is also very damaging as victims are left in physical and mental anguish.  Below are some examples of mental abuse wife endured during her relationship for many, many years:

  • Despite being the sole provider for the family, wife received no acknowledgement or appreciation from husband
  • Including being the sole provider, it was also expected for wife to be the sole nurturer, educator, cleaner, carpenter, landscaper, negotiator, etc.
  • Including being all of the above, wife had to walk on eggshells in fear of hurting husband’s feelings
  • Including all the of above, wife could not express dissatisfaction on any of the above subjects for fear of being isolated which can be months
  • Including all of the above, wife received no acknowledgements on birthdays, anniversaries, Mother’s Day, etc.
  • Including all of the above, wife received no compliments only negative comments
  • Including all of the above, husband expected to be painted in the brightest lights and generally plays devil’s advocate in every situation involving wife
  • Including all the above, husband supports any and everyone who’s in opposition with wife – generally takes the side of everyone but the wife
  • Including all of the above, husband withheld intimacy
  • Including all of the above, husband shut wife out emotionally / ignored her
  • Including all of the above, husband spent countless hours on his phone/computer oblivious to child and wife
  • Including all of the above, husband exposed child to indecent content upsetting wife but accepted no responsibility for his actions
  • Including all of the above, spread lies about wife to family members who in turned isolated her
  • Including all the above, husband accepted no responsibility for his behavior – in turn blamed wife
  • Including all the above, husband is vindictive by destroying wife’s property
  • Including all of the above, husband eventually left the family because his selfish needs weren’t met including expectations of him to be a better father, provider, partner…
  • Etc.

Despite being treated so unfairly, wife never left the relationship or strayed.  In the end, it doesn’t matter what you do or how hard you try, you can never be anything more than a slave to a mental abuser.  These people are often cold, selfish and insecure.  Their sole goal is to isolate and break you down.  I know it’s not easy because in the end you’re left feeling incomplete or empty from the years of abuse…  Everything comes to an end eventually and there is a silver lining in all this.  Use the abuse and ill treatments to believe in yourself because you ARE a strong, competent, independent woman and have been the entire time. What didn’t break you, ultimately makes you stronger!!

Are you a Father or a Dad?

Fathers run away, Dad stays.  Fathers are sperm donors while Dads are emotionally, physically and financially invested in the development and growth of the child.

But why?

It becomes easy for men who themselves came from broken, loveless homes to perpetuate the cycle of broken homes.  Some of these men don’t know or have never met their biological fathers.   These men see it fit to abandon their responsibilities as dads because they don’t know what it is to be loved by one.  They saw their mothers struggling to make ends meet as children growing up, yet have no problem leaving their wives or baby mamas to do just the same – a sick cycle of abandonment and neglect.  These fathers want to be “friends” with their children but not dads – friends are fun with no responsibilities then the children return home to the caregiver, breadwinner, nurturer, educators and discipliners who are the mothers.  Mothers become the “not-fun” parent despite being the sole source of the child’s upbringing.  These fathers want the accolades of being a parent without being a “parent.”  Why do fathers leave?  While there are valid reasons for some, most leave because they don’t want to settle thinking the grass is greener on the other side.  They leave because of family encouragement often times from their mothers who herself suffered the same faith.  They leave because the wives/baby mamas have expectations of what a dad’s role should be and the responsibilities a dad should have.  Men lacking the mindset to deal with a dad/parent mentality view this as being bossed or disrespected and leave the family unit.  Father run because of their selfish needs and lack of empathy for anyone but themselves.

For women left to raise the fruits of their wombs alone, know that it’s easier to raise confident children than to fix selfish, broken, incompetent men.

Midlife Crisis

To my fellow Gen X – the realization of 40(+) and the very important question that followed, “what the F am I doing with my life???”  In my situation, it’s a case of midlife crisis – I think… Either way, it’s daunting, overwhelming and downright depressing to be at the midpoint of one’s life’s cycle – assuming I live to be 80 of course.  Where did the years south of 40 went???  The last 20 was a blur with school, marriage, child, etc.  So what to do??  Change mates?  Find a new hobby?  Take up painting or pottery?  Start a new career?  Got back to school?

So what to do?

Well, the simplest and most meaningful thing to do is the start looking at life with a different set of lenses.  Forget about what pains you and focus on what made you and will make you happy.  Value the people who love you.  Stop dwelling on the negatives and focus on the positives… Keep moving forward but remember lessons learned.  Forgive but don’t forget.   Don’t hold grudges, it ages you.  Appreciate what you have and not what you don’t have.  Be kind.  Be gentle.  Be loving.  Be appreciative.  Smile.  If you’re of legal age and responsible, have massive amount of sex.  Love yourself.  Be courteous and polite. JUST TRY TO BE HAPPY.  Funnily, the more you try to do these things you will encounter assholes who will mess up your flow but all the more important to push on. Life’s happiness is controlled by our attitude – a simple tweak can bring about a momentous change.

My midlife crisis self is going to be happy if it kills me.  I hope you do too…

Cheers!

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Drug Addiction

Drug addiction is a disease that can be cured but have the tightest grip on its victims.  Because drug addiction changes the chemical balance of the brain, quitting is extremely difficult.  Regardless of risks, the intense impulse for the next high blurs rational thinking.  Many will subject themselves to the worst possible conditions and actions just to feed the addiction.  This type of behavior destroys not only the person, but those around them and society.  In today’s media, we learned that Bobbi Kristina, daughter of Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown is on life support.  We know that both her parents suffered with substance abuse.  Bobbi’s exposure to such environment/upbringing put her at a disadvantage of becoming an abuser herself.  Bobbi’s circumstance highlighted the stories of many that we don’t hear about.  So the question is, should children be removed from the care of their substance abuse parents?

Click here to learn more about the impact and truth about drugs.

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Wishing You A Peaceful 2015

As we near the end of 2014, we should head into 2015 with a new attitude and perspective on life.  No one is promised tomorrow so as we navigate this mortal world, we must remind ourselves that we are all God’s creatures.  We must learn to love and accept each other regardless of class, color or creed.  Life is short, precious and should be spent in the best possible way.  We must remind ourselves that humanity trumps all stereotypes.  Never forget The Golden Rule:  Do unto others as you would like them do unto you ~ Luke 6:31

 

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Peace be with you all in 2015!!

Ebola Virus Why Now?

Ebola why now?  If you’re like me, you’re wondering why Ebola and why West Africa?  Not being one to accept anything spoon-fed by the media, I decided to do my own research.  Here is what we know:

Tulane University has been conducting testing on hemorrhagic fevers such as Ebola virus for several years in Sierra Leone, Liberia and Nigeria (West Africa).  On July 23, 2014, the Ministry of Health of the Republic of Sierra Leone has ordered Tulane University to STOP Ebola testing after 427 confirmed cases of Ebola and 144 confirmed cases of Ebola deaths.  To read more click here

Why was Tulane University conducting Ebola vaccines testing in such poor countries and was this an experiment gone wrong, after all, the virus had been pretty much eradicated…?

Ironically, on July 17, 2014 a Malaysian airline carrying six top AIDS researchers including WHO Media Officer Glenn Thomas died in the mysterious plane crash over Ukraine.  These individuals were on their way to an AIDS conference in Melbourne, Australia sponsored by Bill Gates.  We know that Bill and Melinda Gates are advocates for and fund vaccines development and testing.

This begs to question again, was the WHO aware of the Ebola virus outbreak and wanted to silence these individuals?  Are these innocent lives sacrificial lambs to the giant pharmaceutical companies or the U.S. government?  What is also ironic is the two Americans who were exposed the virus were flown to the U.S. and recovered after receiving the “experimental” vaccine but the Africans are left to die.  Why?  If there is a vaccine available to kill the virus, why is the U.S. government withholding treatment while over three thousand people have already died of the virus in West Africa?  Aren’t we all humans and deserves to be treated as such?

Thomas Eric Duncan answered “no” to questions about whether he had cared for a patient with the deadly virus. Thomas is now in serious condition at a Dallas hospital.  Can you blame Thomas for answering “no”?  After all, he is fully aware that he he had answered “yes’, he would have never granted access to quality care and the potential life saving vaccine the two American received.  Though it’s was a selfish act, Thomas like many others wants to live and knows full well if he wasn’t on American soil, his percentage of survival is nil.

I am grateful to be living in this great country but what about the lives of my family and friends who are not as fortunate – are they sitting ducks?

Biological warfare.  My heart bleeds for the innocent men, women and children who were barely surviving to begin with but now have to die such horrible, painful deaths.  RIP

Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD)

Many of us have something about ourselves that we don’t like i.e. nose, legs, behind, etc. While some accept their “faults” and live happy lives, some go the surgical route. I am an advocate for happiness so whatever makes someone happy within reason, I support it.

What’s troubling is America’s infatuation and obsession with huge breast, duck lips and gigantic derriere.  The price for vanity can sometimes be fatal and our media is playing a major role in publicizing such unhealthy fixations.   There is no way to inflate one’s behind safely – somewhere down the line there will be problems.  My message to women everywhere: be your own original not someone else’s copy, especially, not of a celebrity.  Is the quest for the biggest behind a result of BDD or attention?

 

 

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